Mari recently linked me to an Etsy store that sold patterns for crocheted tortoise cozies. As someone who likes to let her tortoise roam around the apartment/grassy areas, but then gets concerned that the tortoise has perished behind the oven/been abducted by a bird of prey, I got excited about this easy-to-spot garment. I don’t know anyone who crochets, though. Luckily, the woman updated her store and is now doing made-to-order versions, so I can just pay her to crochet it for me.

Anyway, I lay all of this out there because now the question has become: do I buy a moderately mortifying one (the pumpkin), or a full-blown mortifying one (turkey)?

I’m leaning pumpkin, but if I’m going to drop $17 on this thing, maybe it’s better to get ugly. Feel free to weigh in. This is my life. This is the extent of its content.